The Sun Travelling at Night

The Sun Travelling at Night

When I was a little boy, I squinted and squished the moon
Between my fingers
And then
Released it back into the night sky.

I turned toward my father and told him how beautiful
Must be those places
That we
Can only ever dream to visit.

My father, silent, watched me, unmoved by what I had said,
Just for a moment.
He stood
Beside me, then turned and walked away.

And that is how I came to be
Afraid of the night.

Years ago, I had my first boyfriend—
My first.
I wanted to share
So much with him, it hurt when he would not get close to me.

Secretly, he searched for someone else.
Could not
Look me in the eye
But said many painful things—and feared that I still loved him.

When we sat out beneath the night sky
I cried
And begged in my heart:
Please don’t do this to me now; just tell me in the sunshine.

The light warms my chest
And holds those things my heart cannot.

I told grandmother these things, and she pulled me to her breast,
Pointed at the moon,
Then said,
We see the moon with light from the sun.

So, my people don’t say moon—but hvshi ninak Aya:
The sun travelling
At night.
Feel your pain, but do not run in fear.

You’re always in the sun’s light
Even when it’s travelling at night.